If you really want to hear about it, then I guess I better tell you about this one time. This one time I went to the movies. I really hate the movies. I mean, I really hate the movies. Everyone’s always walking out of the dark theater looking like they just saw a friggin miracle occur, I swear. They act like they were actually in the movie. Like, the little kids try to fly like Superman, and the adults get all sappy like one of the stupid couples from those cheesy romance movies. People are always acting like something they’re not. And then everyone always leaves their food on the goddamn floor, for Chrissake! They leave their crummy candy and soggy popcorn on the floor and in between the seat cushions. Some people are just plain gross. No kidding.
Anyway, this one time I went to the movies with my cousin from out of town. He’s from like New Jersey, or New Mexico, or one of those New states. He’s a real neat kid. I mean it. You’d like him. I swear to God you would. His name’s Farren, and he’s always bragging about how his name means ‘adventurous’. If I had a name like ‘Farren’, I don’t think I’d be bragging about it too much. Even if it did mean something really cool. I mean it.
So, me and Farren went to the movies to see some movie that my little sister said was really good. She said that my life wouldn’t be complete until I saw it, so I didn’t really have a choice. Big deal. So me and Farren bought tickets outside of the theater, then we bought some snacks and popcorn and stuff. I made Farren promise me that he’d put his trash in the garbage when he was done. That’s what the garbage cans were for, after all. I told him that people need to start leaving their trash where it belongs. Farren said he’d put all his junk in the trash, so I guess that was good.
But then the weirdest thing happened. While Farren and I were putting straws in our sodas, this little kid comes out of nowhere and starts crying about the movie he saw being...