How To Be A President
Have you ever thought to yourself “Could I be The President Of The United States?” Well I got the answer to that. I got a hold of “President Bush’s Republican Presidential Handbook.” It’s a list of things you must believe and do in order to become just like him. Now these are just the beliefs and it is up to you to put them to use. First and foremost you must believe that being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are Rush Limbaugh then it is an illness and you need America’s prayers. Next you must believe that the government should relax the regulation of big business and big money but, crack down on people who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. Now this one is tricky you must believe that the best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veteran’s benefits and combat pay. Believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican. Here is a nice one believe if you keep condoms out of schools, children won’t have sex. You must believe that providing health care to all Iraqi’s is sound policy, but providing health care to all American’s is socialism. You must stand tall in the fact that global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools. You must believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when you need a “We can’t find Bin Laden” diversion. Here is another tricky one believe that a president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy. You must believe that trading with Cuba is wrong because it is a communist country, but trading with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. You must believe that what...