HOW TO REDRESS AN OLD REDNECK
The method for redressing a redneck may be a bit of a challenge for women weak on patience, but a necessary evil if you actually plan on taking your redneck out in public with you. I feel I am qualified to instruct you in this task, as I have spent the better part of the last 15 years redressing my redneck. The list of materials is simple. You need one wonderful, loving, and kind redneck They are a superb breed of gentleman, mine with a fine southern charm. Next, you’re going to need to convince him that if he wants you on his arm, he needs to remove the cowboy boots '' burn them, or at least hide them in a cold, dark place unreachable by human contact! For the next step you need a Valium (if your physician prescribes). You will need to shop with him. I know that this is hard but do-able. The final step is to dress your redneck. Start early, and by all means, serve beer (or cocktail of your choice) to YOURSELF!
Step one is the hardest step. You have to find that fine specimen of a redneck and fall in love. I found mine at a funeral! However, some of the best places to find your redneck include rodeos, hunting clubs, NASCAR races, and pig roasts. You can usually identify one by his camouflage vest, trucker’s cap; jeans manufactured 25 years earlier, and '' oh yes '' the cowboy boots! The good news is that the redneck is very approachable. Walk right up, and start talking. You’ll find out that the redneck man of today is warm, funny and polite. He will make you laugh always and will lie his life down for you if you steal his heart!
The next step is a little easier, but the timing is crucial. You’re going to want to start on this step the minute he realizes he can’t live without you. He’s going to need to be in what I call the “warm and fuzzy” state. This is the perfect time to start moving his cowboy boots farther and father from his reach every day. You might need to clean, and accidentally move the boots farther back in...