30 years in one page
Current mood: calm
well it’s my birthday and i thought i would write about what i have learned in the last year...so here we go
my emotions are few if not none.i’m isolated in a box noone could know or possably understand what is going on in my head. i feel lost and confused in a state of depression, my thoughts seem to float away, bound by irons and chains of guilt and blame. decisions made is delt with for life..some are reckless, without regaurd for others it will affect, like a child im selfish with no room for compromise. i tend to think someone owes me something. how can i get to were i never been, if i can’t get back to were i was. the simplicity of life has gone from my side. i feel like im on the treadmill of life, i keep putting a foot forward but stay in the same place. when all my energy is spent i tend to end up further back then where i was. day by day i try to find a way to pry this anchor that seems to hold me in one spot. i want just once to leave this earth and look at it from afar, like a snowdome i want to watch and look at what i have done wronge. my dreams are small and only hendered by myself, i have the ability to become a son, a father, , a brother, and someday a husband that those around me long for and deserve. what is stopping me from becomming a person of worth and reason. is it i have lied, cheated, and minupulated my way through life so long i don’t know any differance? bullshit. i have the mental capacity to hone myself into whatever i need to be in order to maintain a heathy, productive, life with longivity. what trama could have lead to the rationalization that this is the way i am, when in fact noone wants to be alone. why do i have to act like i am above love and normality is not acceptable and when i feel that my wall of forbidding emotions is jeperdized i tend to withdraw myself and show the appreciation or compassion to that one that is long deserving of every minute of attention i can spare. for...