My Pride and Joy

My Pride and Joy

I didn't like the feeling of limits. I was use to running, playing, cruising, and exploring. That all changed school was a drag and I was limited to run, to sleep comfortably, to eat raw fish and crab, and limited to be free. It was like a jail cell for me. I am the second oldest out of my two sisters and one brother. Before I got pregnant I could outrun my younger brother any day, but that changed too. I cannot handle not being active for a long time. I like to explore and be active in sports or activities. For seven months too many things were going through my mind…." What are they thinking of me?" "They are not making me have an abortion!" "Is my baby going to be healthy?" "Am I going to survive my labor and delivery?" The fact of fear was getting to my head. Things were getting even scarier as my due date got closer. Having to deal with my boyfriend's family was really hard, harsh words were said and I could feel their rage. Conflicts built up anger in me and I started stressing out a lot, I was scared that I would kill my baby with my stress and anger. I tried to find ways to distract my thoughts and feelings so I found a hobby. Parents and in-laws helped me start this hobby. Although, I have made over fifty pairs of earrings, this hobby only kept me from thinking and stressing about my feelings and thoughts. In my final month of pregnancy contractions were getting stronger each day, it's like very bad menstrual cramps every day. As days got closer I stayed at a hotel closest to the hospital with family one weekend. That weekend wasn't the weekend my baby decided to show her face to the world. She wanted to wait four days later.

On the bed in the delivery room I sat and waited to dilate fully. Watching family walk in and out, I was in a time capsule. Don't remember what was going on. Focused on contractions, trying to train my mind into thinking that this pain was the least of my worries, and the worst was yet to come. Everything was...

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