PAIN WITHOUT LOVE
In the front seat of a moving car, I am cut loose from the city. It watches me pass with sharp neon eyes. Something goes clank in the night, and the sound is close enough to a gunshot to take me back to the beginning.
My last meeting with my friend went about as good as a walk in the graveyard. The car stops in the traffic lights. Outside, the light paints snow red, like the whole city was in flames. But inside, in the shadows of the car, it's all done in blues. I know I'm lying to myself. No amount of painkillers can keep this ache away. No lie can hide it. But this wasn’t the beginning; I could always remember that text like it was pinned to my brain, “hey man do you want to go to this new years party tonight”. Knowing I had plans with an ex girlfriend which I would have to communicate with her drugged friends. I would respond, “Yes”, you don’t think about things when you’re in the state of mind I was in that night.
December 29, 2007 the day began like an ordinary day I woke up put my shoes on and got a text from my ex girlfriend I thought loved me. Going outside feeling the air in my lungs and wind agenst my cheek like a breath from the devil himself, as I shoveld snow from my patio all I had in my heart was hate. I hated who I became I hated who I was but I could never show it. You never know how much hatred you have in your heart until you let it all out. I could remember my drive to the store to pick up the ingredients I would need for my drink I would make for the party the wind was cold every thought in my head was a thought I would think of nothing but fighting I needed to be alone. Who do your tell about the hatred in your heart do you tell your mother your father brother or sister many would say tell your person your closest to. That’s a laugh telling her would be like tell my dog Ozzy and to think he would understand.
December 31,2007 it had all come crashing down. The bad things came, like a winter...