Six months ago I, was not in the best of places. Floating in between jobs, lamenting about a lost relationship and debts hanging over me. Not everything has changed to the way I would like to see it, but it has improved. I found myself a new job, a new partner, new friends and moved to a new area.
Sometimes people don't like change because it can be frightening. Not having much money depressed me and I felt unable to do all that I wanted. However, everyday I knocked on doors and waited and the interviews came and I got a new job. My life now feels a million miles away from what it was a year or even six months ago. No matter what happened in my life, I was determined to get myself out of a hole I fell into.
At first, I complained about why I fell into this hole; I looked for someone to blame, I got angry, sad, frustrated but I never lost my love for writing. I have changed over the years, my writing, my thought patterns have also changed. I realise that despite life's hardships, the changes, the growing into a better version of myself has to be good. I reached a plateau in my life where I just didn't feel fulfilled anymore. Just giving and doing didn't excite me the same way, I wanted something more of myself.
Only at rock bottom away from all distractions i entered a wilderness of my own, one where I was my own worst enemy. The thing about reaching the depths of your fears is that therein you can find your true strength and know what is fundamentally important to you. I came to realise that some people whom I thought were long term friends were in fact unwilling participants. Due to their lack of imagination they would hang out with me begrudging that it wasn't what they truely wanted. Yet fear held them back from looking into their heart, held back from discovering their true dreams.
It came to light who were my true friends and those that lie to themselves. Some of these so called friends became jealous when my life as i started to recreate it...