Hello my fellow Americans, I the president, felt obliged to release a statement regarding the war, which seems to be a major issue with the country. Although I know my term is almost over I would like to assure you that I am doing every thing that I can to stop this war while I am still here. Here today I plan to outline every aspect of my plan down to the tiniest detail and after I have concluded I will be open to any questions regarding my plan or any questions that refer to me. My first action I will be taking is looking at all the reports that have been collecting on my desk and sorting them into respectable piles. I rather like how big it has gotten, I have created a replica of a medieval castle complete with a spilled glass of water for a moat and where, I am proud to say, I spend some my days sitting behind its giant wall of highlighted papers filled with numbers waiting for the daily report or my wife to pass by so that I may bombard her with water balloons which I have filled with mayonnaise that I obtained from my lunch tray that is brought to me through the window. Next I will be meeting with many world leaders who with hope and their help I will find a definite end to this war. By this I plan to have several meetings which will be open to the public to hear at Busch gardens. I chose this place because I thought that it was named after me but as I made reservations for the meetings I had a very disturbing awakening it was named after the beer dude or something like that. Although I informed the person that it should still be named after me, just for the reason that no one in my entire administration can out drink me. Although the reservations person noted that that was an amazing feat he informed me that it was very unlikely that it would be renamed. After he told me that I became agitated with him and I told him I would like to speak with his superior all he said was “your right here, sir”. I smiled and let him of the hook; I love brownnosers...