Lately ive been feeling kinda weird. I have this impulses that i cant control.
Somehow this might be related to my recent break-up.
Maybe... But im not so sure.
This dreams ive been having this past few weeks, keeps repeating itself again and again. Its very strange that when i wake up... whenever i got a wound on that dream. I usually wake up and have that same blood-drenched wound on my body. I dont really know what the meaning of this dream. its literally driving me crazy.
It always starts off with me having a date with her. then all of a sudden, pain... agony.... death.... i wake up feeling tears in my eyes. sometimes i just wish i never met her, you know? but deep inside there is the feeling of emptiness without her. Its a good thing someone in particular helped me out of the darkness. I just wish i would take off the pain. But its not that easy. Eventhough im clearly in love with another person. I just can't forget what KATH did to me. It makes me wonder, are all girls share the same trait as her? I mean, if she was weak, how about me? I struggled through the temptations, made each and every moment count, and became like a loyal DOG to her. i just can't understand why through all of the sacrifices i did, she would do a thing like this?
I know it might sound bitter but its the truth. In my sick and twisted mind, i know that im doing the right thing. I just wish karma is on her side and not mine. I mean, i tried to be perfect. But i guess, i just have to stay unloved until such time someone comes my way.
ILOVED HER! But now, I love someone else more than anyone i loved before. I just wish when all of this SH*T is over, i would go back and remember what i did was wrong. Wrong in promising that our love was supposed to be forever. THAT I WOULD GIVE MY ALL, EVENTHOUGH IM JUST A THIRD WHEEL!! WRONG IN ACCEPTING LOVE FROM HER! WRONG IN EVERYTHING IVE DONE FOR HER. WRONG IN TELLING HER AGAIN AND AGAIN ABOUT THE STUPID PROMISES AND MAKE BELIEVE...