The Cosmic Instruction Manual for Planetary Evolution
An Emergency Remedial Earth Edition
Co-created by Mission Control and Zoev Jho
This third-dimensional publication of
The Cosmic Instruction Manual
for Planetary Evolution
is dedicated to all our relations.
—The Intergalactic Council
The mission to Planet Earth was initiated by request of the planet herself.
Earth has asked and the stellar councils have granted an evolutionary leap.
Over the last millennium Earth has been preparing for our advent. It is now
time to enter the Earth plane to reclaim this planet in the name of the Forces
of Light and to open her doors to the cosmic community in which she resides.
We congratulate and salute those of you throughout the universes who have
volunteered for this assignment. Go with our blessing. And remember, read
the manual before you get there. Although you are veterans of countless
successful missions to numerous dysfunctional life support systems, watch out
for this one.
This edition of the manual is specifically designed for this planetary system—a
system which defies all true rationality and has raised dysfunctionality to an
art form. It is also one of the few systems where telling the truth is covertly
considered a creative act. Because of the inherent hazards of this planet,
Mission Control will not be responsible for any members of this mission who
do not thoroughly acquaint themselves with the material contained in this
Special Note from the Publisher
Although you were warned to acquaint yourselves with the original manual
before departing, a great number of you did not. “If you’ve seen one manual,
you’ve seen them all” has proved to be a cavalier attitude that many of you
have lived to regret, even though most of you are too stunned and dazed by the
process to remember just exactly what it is you are regretting. Being four
hundred light years from home and...