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Family.. funny what it means. A simple thing that we think of growing up. A mother, father and siblings. Bed times, lunches packed, games played, arguments, tears, laughter, disobedience, and hugs. Society says hey you know what, when everything else goes wrong.. Turn to your family! They will always be there for you.. blood is thicker than water. Family's don't turn their backs on each other. Society has a funny view on what family is. I miss mine, and I pray every day that it can be something great again and trust in God. But I can't help to think back. To when she was alive. Her beautiful face there, always knowing what was wrong. Her words always soothing. The touch of her fingertips on my back when I was crying. The loving arms of her grasping me and holding onto me sheltering me from the world for just a moment in which I was protected by her. It's funny the spurts of images that her face shows in my mind. I don't outlet it, I don't' focus on it. But out of left field from time to time it hits me like a concrete boulder. She was everything to me and lived in such a way that I took anger and hate out on her, that was undeserved. In the end I saw the most beautiful thing, the truth to her life. The things she shared that it was as a friend not a mother. Watching her live out her last days was the most magical thing in life that I could have have witnessed. It took a great wave of cancer, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis to take her from this world we call "home". But you know what.. She fought so hard and so long! about thirteen years of fighting from the initial prognosis. Trusting in God in every step of the way. She LIVED every year even when bed ridden.
A day of going out for her was to get dressed and go to the doctor. And you know what.. I wouldn't trade that for anything! Movie after movie on the couch, watching grey's anatomy.. talking about the day.. talking about my struggles. Me being a selfish kid and her just loving me in...