Douglas Adams The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
To Jane and James
with many thanks
to Geoffrey Perkins for achieving the Improbable
to Paddy Kingsland, Lisa Braun and
Alick Hale Munro for helping him
to John Lloyd for his help with the original Milliways script
to Simon Brett for starting the whole thing off
to the Paul Simon album One Trick Pony which I played
incessantly while writing this book. Five years is far too long
And with very special thanks to Jacqui Graham for infinite
patience, kindness and food in adversity
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more
bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded
as a bad move.
Many races believe that it was created by some sort of God,
though the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle VI believe that the
entire Universe was in fact sneezed out of the nose of a being
called the Great Green Arkleseizure.
The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they
call The Coming of The Great White Handkerchief, are small blue
creatures with more than fifty arms each, who are therefore
unique in being the only race in history to have invented the
aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
However, the Great Green Arkleseizure Theory is not widely
accepted outside Viltvodle VI and so, the Universe being the
puzzling place it is, other explanations are constantly being
For instance, a race of hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings
once built themselves a gigantic supercomputer called Deep
Thought to calculate once and...