One of the traditions in Islam starts with, “During the first seven years of a child's life, their wishes which are not harmful should be fulfilled as though they are masters”. (1) In other words, especially during the first seven years, the parents must be gentle, kind and forgiving if the child makes mistakes and loving unconditionally as he deserves. The poem by Dorothy Nolte makes a similar point. That is, give your child the best atmosphere to live and grow in because the young adult that he will become is based on these early years of his life. The child absorbs from his environment and this makes him who he is. I see this in my own children. Many times when I hear my daughter get upset with her brother or talk to him in the big sister mode, it is the same tone of voice and choice of words that I use. It is almost like hearing an echo. This, as a parent, can be startling as you wonder how many of those things, which you may not be doing ‘right’, your child will do exactly like you. “They’re learning from us all the time, whether or not we realize we are teaching them.”(2) Having said that, you also find yourself saying the exact same things that your mother said to you (and you said you would never use) to your own child. This also goes to show how much we have absorbed from watching our own parents as children.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If we, the adults, are always complaining in front of our child, whether it is about others or him, “we are showing them how to condemn others, or perhaps even worse, to condemn themselves.” (3) It could be a simple glance, tone of voice or mannerism, rather than words which are being used to criticize. The child catches on to this faster than we may know and may take it personally. There are times when we don’t mean to be criticizing, rather we are just tired from a long day or frustrated about other things and simply don’t have the patience to answer our children’s repetitive...