• Don't be a hero! DO NOT attempt to over analyze things you don't really understand or draw some dramatic, complicated conclusion. Doing that is how you make A's. If you're reading this How-To, an A was probably never a real possibility anyway (and, if you'll allow me to speculate, you probably aren't overly bummed out about it, either). We're just shooting for a B or a C here. People who flunk completely are people who get greedy or overconfident.
• Your friends may recommend things like using larger font than is allowed or triple spacing or screwing with the margins or something. DO NOT attempt to do so (see above for the exception to this rule). Remember: professors (and high school teachers) went through 4-7 years of college themselves, and these are all well-known tricks.
• DO NOT CHEAT! Downloading someone else's paper off the internet may seem like a good idea at 5 a.m. the morning your paper is due, but it isn't. You'll probably get caught, and if you do you'll almost certainly be expelled from college and end up in a gutter somewhere. Besides, if you just relax and follow this advice you might not end up with an A, but the C you do end up with will absolutely be your C, and that's a heck of a lot better than having to move back in with your parents!
• BE PREPARED TO GET A BAD GRADE! If you are used to good grades (which you probably aren't because you need this be prepared to get a worse that usual grade. For example if you normally get B's be prepared for a C or even a D.
• DO NOT THINK YOUR PROFESSOR IS FOOLED BY THIS APPROACH! They can spot these ploys at a glance, and they grade accordingly. Consider asking for an extension instead.