Best Man’s Speech
Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, friends, family and Geordie Tony. For those of you who don’t know me I’m Andrew – the best man. As is customary at this stage I would like to thank {whoever} for Martin’s kind words and gifts. I’ve known Martin for about 18 years now since e worked together at Pizza Hut and I have to confess that they have been some of the happiest and most fulfilling years of Martin’s life. When he phoned me to tell me he was getting married and he wanted me to be the best man, my first thought was ‘This sounds expensive’ which to be fair it has been, my second thought was ‘Oh my God, I’m going to have to do a speech’ which I’m having to do now, and at the time I almost forgot to say congratulations but I got the job nevertheless and I am honored to be standing here today.
Anyway, I’m sure we would all agree that Joy looks absolutely stunning today. I am sure that as I speak a wave of depression is washing across the hearts of single men across the country as they hear that yet another beautiful single girl has been taken off the menu. And all the single women in the would probably agree that so far the day has passed without so much as a ripple.
[Messages if any]
Ok. Wanting to be different I decided I would break with the traditional idea of a best man’s speech and perform the entire speech through the medium of dance! But relax. It’s not going to be a David Brent moment. I soon released that I couldn’t bloody dance – something that will be proved later if I get drunk enough to think I can and hit the dance floor – although by that stage it will probably be more an exercise in staying upright! My next brainwave was to perform the speech through the medium of mime. Once again I soon realised this was totally impractical as I did not fancy acting out the birth of the twins in front of 100+ people and as far as I knew, Martin had never been trapped inside a box – unfortunately! I was starting to get...