English Our Crazy Language
"English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every seven human beings around the globe can speak English. And more than half of the world's books and three-quarters of international mail are written in this crazy tongue.
Of all languages, English has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as two million words - and of course it has one of the noblest bodies of literature.
However, let's face it! English is a crazy language!
For example, there is no egg in eggplant, - and will you find neither pine nor apple in a pineapple.
Hamburgers are not made from ham, English muffins were not invented in England, and French Fries were not invented in France.
Sweetmeats are confectionery, while sweetbreads which are not sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But when we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, Public Bathrooms have no baths, and a guinea pig is neither a pig nor is it from Guinea.
And why is it that a writer writes, but fingers do not fing, humdingers do not hum, and hammers don't ham. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
One goose, two geese, so one moose, two meese? One index, two indices, one Kleenex, two Kleenices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends - but you don't make just one amend, we comb through the annals of history - but not just one annal? And if you have a bunch of odds and ends - and you get rid of all but one - what do you call it?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables - what does a humanitarian eat? And if you wrote a letter - perhaps you also bote your tongue?
Sometimes it makes you wonder if all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people drive on a parkway - and park on a driveway? Then we recite at a play - and play at a recital?
We ship by truck and send cargo by...