It’s all my fault I should never have chased Mickey. I wish to God we’d never gone to the field that day. Why did I have to be such a flirt? I only wanted a bit of fun. How was I supposed to know I’d fall in love with them both? I’m not a bleedin mind reader am I? I just wanted a fella like everyone else on the estate. I didn’t know it would end like this.
I’ve always cared about Mickey ever since we were kids . Sammy was a right horror. I’ll never forget how he treated Mickey during that cowboys and Indians game. It’s imprinted on me brain, Mickey got so mad with Sammy he even told him to f off! But not me I told him I’d grass him up to me mum ‘ciggies always disappear when you’re in our house’. I wish I could have stopped Mickey idolising Sammy – he always wanted to be like him- even Eddie wanted to be like Sammy when he was a kid. He though he said ‘smahing’ things and he always had guns. Sammy’s mental always was even as a kid he loved killing things, especially worms. He just became out of control. He petrified me once on the school bus by producing this long knife. He’s mad he threatened the bus conductor and we had to walk to school. I suppose I should’ve known he’d kill someone one day but I never thought my Mickey would be involved in something so dreadful.
I should have realised that Sammy and Mickey were up to something but I was too caught up in thinking about the baby and where the money was gonna come from. It’s all my fault they’re both dead. I should have talked Mickey around- I’ve always managed to get him to do what I’ve wanted in the past. If it hadn’t been for that robbery we’d have been all right, ok so we might not have had a lot of money and we were living with his mam but we were happy. Why did everything have to go so wrong? It’s not fair all I ever wanted was to have a house of me own and to take care of me family.
I still visited Mickey in prison you know. Every week I went, I even took our Sarah with me. Ooh she does...