Commentary Piece 1 – Mental Health MATTERS!
My speech is written to be presented to the National Union of Students ( NUS) Annual Conference; thus for students 16 upwards the majority of whom are in Higher Education. The target audience is therefore an educated group from mixed ethnic and social backgrounds whose minds should be open to challenge. This piece is written for an audience with a developed and cohesive semantic field and an understanding of linguistic conventions and complex grammatical structures. I chose this topic as it is one that is both topical and close to my own heart.
My style model (Obama Victory speech) provided a framework for this genre of a public speech. I planned to replicate the overall upbeat and positive feel and many of the specific discourse structures to inform, challenge and persuade the NUS National Conference audience to lead and drive a change in the way we think about Mental Health matters. I chose several specific features from my style model to replicate in my own speech e.g. tripling (Who still doubts, who still wonders, who still questions.) (So many of us, so many of us, so many of us.) This is an accepted device which enhances the overall effect and adds impact.
I took the idea of using a personal experience from my style model (Ann Nixon Cooper) (Gordon Olds) I felt Obama had used this effectively as a way of relating his thoughts to everybody and making his speech personal to his audience. I wanted the same effect on my audience.
The layout is standard and the structure of my style model flows easily from one section to the next (para . ends: It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.
next para. begins : It grew strength from…. next para. : This is your victory. )
I attempted to replicate this:
(para. begins: Gordon was far more fortunate than many people who are affected by mental ill health; he had managed to maintain a...