Had a conversation with someone tonight about where my life is headed, it made me realize that even though I may know what I want I have to be patient. I know that I have people that watch over me and that's fine, they miss what I use to be, however that will never be again...I have to move on, moving forward learning from my past using those lessons.
Which brings me to my next thought, I find it funny how people think that just because I'm a good guy and show my true personality off the bat that I don't know what I'm doing. What I mean by this is....is the whole flirting thing and courting a female (do people still call it courting, lol), or as I like to call it "The Fucking Cat and Mouse Game"; the shit I've been thru and the shit I've seen. There's plenty of girls that I find interesting and I don't want to be the person I use to be, flirting and leading them on, using them and throwing them out like yesterday's trash when I get tired of them. I don't want to be that guy again, circling the dark abyss of self gratification that only leads to self loathing and scarring the emotions of nice girls leaving a trail broken hearts and tears. But if that's my nature I don't know how to fight it, I keep trying to get out, but they pull me back in; yes that's a loose quote from Scarface.
As I currently listen to my iPod the perfect song comes on well more a single part of a song (Fun's - All alone) cause at times that's how I feel all alone and nobody can fix me when I'm broken....then the next song comes on. Like I said before, "life lessons, we go thru them for a reasons"...application of knowledge I believe is the true meaning of what it means to be intelligent, if you don't apply what you know and keep making the same mistakes, well you deserve to find yourself in the same hole reaching up towards the light never finding the helping hand that will pull you out....at this moment I find inside that same hole I'm describing reaching up, without finding that hand...