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SMARTHINKING's E-structor Response Form
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing SMARTHINKING's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay:
Hi, Brandon. My name is Tanya, and I’ll be working on your paper with you.
Firstly, I really enjoyed reading your paper. You do a great job of explaining to the reader how much Victor Arbelaez was loved and admired. Good work!
Please see my comments and suggestions below on how you could perhaps improve on certain aspects of your essay.
*Brandon 1847832 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:
The single and most important thing you need to work on when you revise is your paper’s main idea or thesis statement. That is your paper’s statement of purpose. The kind of thesis statement that you need is determined by the kind of paper you are writing. This is a narrative paper (where you are telling a story or relating a personal experience), where you do not always need an explicit thesis statement. However, even in a narrative essay a thesis statement somewhere in the first paragraph could still be helpful to your reader and to you in developing your essay.
Remember that in a narrative paper you do not only tell the reader about a number of events that happened to you. Usually, a narrative paper also has a point to make.
So, your personal narrative should go beyond merely describing your personal observations and perceptions to examine abstract ideas, such as love, patience, life lessons learned, courage, etc. Your examinations of and reflections on your personal experience should lead you to a new understanding of your beliefs about life.
So, your thesis statement should give the reader...