Sports and Drugs - 1

Sports and Drugs - 1

Do Sports and Drugs Mix?

Since the dawn of time [a ridiculous exaggeration; delete it] it seems that you can’t [do not use contractions in essays: change to cannot] think of sports without some sort of drug scandal creeping into the thought as well. It’s [contraction: it is] not just baseball that is tainted with scandal; it is every sport from football to gymnastics.

When you think of sports, what comes to mind? The different sporting events, the many unique players that make up their sport or the drug scandals spread throughout. Maybe it’s a little bit of each. [the first is not a complete sentence; the second is an afterthought: combine them into a single complete sentence: 'What probably comes to mind is....'] To level the playing field for those players that chose not to use performance-enhancing drugs, why don’t the big wigs [slang: change to officials] drug test everyone before their game or events that they are in? It’s [It is. I won't make this note for further contractions below] bad enough that sports players have more perks than the normal civilian [wrong word; civilian is the opposite of soldier; use e.g. person], if my brother, who played baseball in high school, would have used [wrong verb form: use had used] steroids to help his game he would have been kicked off the team. So [essentially conversational and meaningless; delete] why isn’t the same true for professional sports players? Maybe the owners of the teams don’t want to lose their star players, so they cover it up somewhat, but why not drug test each and every one of the players so that there aren’t any favorites? That way, when someone comes up positive they can be reprimanded in the proper, professional manner.

OK, I'm going to stop here, Crazy, and leave you with some general comments to take into consideration for your essay revision.

First, I think your essay so far is quite good. Your flow of language is natural, easy to follow, straightforward and to the point-- and...

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