What Defines Sex?

What Defines Sex?

Heterosexuals are simultaneously fascinated by and clueless about lesbian sex. “So, what do you do, exactly?” At some point in her life, pretty much any lesbian will be asked this question. Hiding behind these questions is a host of assumptions about what constitutes “real sex” and what a “real woman” sexually desires. In Greta Christina’s article, she writes about her own lesbian experiences and is constantly left with the question “What is sex” (Christina, 2006)? Many people would argue that they simply cannot imagine that real sex takes place without penetration with a penis. For this reason, lesbian sex has become a cultural marker for the question “What actually counts as sex?”—for anyone.
There are many ways people, including straight people, have and enjoy sex. Lesbians do not need a penis to have penetrative sex. Some lesbians use dildos for penetration; others do not, preferring fingers, hands, fists, tongues. However, culturally, we refer to a very particular sexual act—penis in vagina—as, simply, sex. Consider the expression “losing your virginity.” Historically, the very idea of “virginity” emerged from the religious and social regulations of marriage. Through marriage, a woman was exchanged as property from her father to her husband. Her chastity guaranteed that her property value was intact. The belief that it takes a man for a woman to lose her virginity begins here. This definition of “losing your virginity” is so instilled in our culture as “sex” that many heterosexual teenagers do not consider oral sex and anal sex “real sex.” Even if they engage in these forms of sexual activity, they still understand themselves to be virgins. These sexual acts may be extremely pleasurable, but are seen only as warm-ups to the real thing.
This very limited definition of sex prevents people from recognizing lesbian sex as real sex. At best, what lesbians do is foreplay that can never reach completion on its own. Or, it is a turn-on for straight men and a base...

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