Signs You Need To Work On Boundaries
You feel resentful of people asking too much of you.
You find yourself saying yes to things you’d rather not do, just to avoid upsetting or disappointing others.
You find yourself feeling resentful because you are doing more for others than they are doing for you.
You tend to keep most people at an arm’s length because you are afraid of letting people get too close and overwhelming you.
You find yourself feeling that most of what you do is for other people—and they may not even appreciate it that much!
The stress you feel from disappointing others is greater than the stress of doing things that inconvenience or drain you in an effort to please them.
Questions To Ask Yourself
There are additional questions you should ask yourself when you are looking at specific choices you can make, rather than your feelings in general, that can help you to decide whether or not a boundary needs to be set. The following questions can help you to clarify your boundaries in specific situations, and navigate through future ones:
If nobody would be disappointed, would I prefer to say yes or no?
Looking at all the benefits and costs in this situation (both tangible and intangible), is it worth the effort to say yes?
Would you feel comfortable posing the same request to someone else?
If people would be upset with you if you said no, do you truly feel that they are coming from a respectful, reasonable place? (And, if not, might it be time to start setting some limits?)
Is this a precedent you want to set? (And, if not, where would be a reasonable place to draw the line?)
Think of someone you feel has very healthy boundaries—the kind you would like to emulate. How do you think they would respond in this situation?