Have you ever wondered how life would be like in third person, as if you were in a video game? You may think it would be fun, right? Well, you couldn’t be more wrong. Most people say they fake about 50% of their human interactions; well, I fake all of them…. I’m not a bad person, I just physically can’t reach out and actually care anymore. I don’t even have any control anymore, imagine getting drunk and being impaired, that’s me all of the time.
Where am I, oh yeah, I’m on the basketball court, a ball is thrown in my direction. I instinctively realize that this is a game, so I catch the ball that was thrown to me. I dribble to the opposing basketball hoop, shoot and score. The crowd erupts in pandemonium; my teammates rush the court and pick me up in celebration. Something’s wrong I thought, most people would feel great about winning their championship high school basketball game. It felt like someone else, not me, had made that shot. It literally felt like I was watching my body do something and having absolutely no feeling or awareness at all. It was like watching a movie in which you have no control of the outcome. It deeply disturbed me. I slept on it hoping that it was just a phase and that it would run its course.
You know that outside of body feeling you get when you’re dreaming? Well that’s what it felt like when I woke up. I could see that it was raining today, making this long walk to school even more miserable. I began my long walk to school, but when I went outside something strange happened that I still can’t explain. I couldn’t feel the rain drops at all. It was as if I was disconnected from my body…. The strangeness continued when I got to school, my girlfriend ran to me and got me in a passionate embrace and stood on her tippy toes to kiss me, I kissed back but there still was absolutely no feeling. It was depressing.
This continued on until I couldn’t stand it any longer, I needed to experience physical or emotional feeling of any kind or I...