Excellent job engaging your audience- taking on case characters worked really well for you, allowing you to communicate the key points to your audience in a really effective manner, with just the right dose of humor. I was really impressed with how committed everyone was to their roles, too!
Although I normally don't recommend repeating case facts, as you did on slide 2, I thought in this case it worked well, because you used that summary to bring out the concerns about HS taking the job. I thought it was a good call also to discuss the initial action plan, and its shortcomings. Normally, with other cases, I encourage groups to try to get into the performance gaps of the organization sooner, but with HS, given the nested nature of the case (with the questions about his job feasibility, as well as organizational problems), this was a solid approach to take.
Great job with diagnosing organizational performance gaps, and using the alignment model to guide that discussion. I was equally happy to see your well-developed solutions and detailed action plan, as well. One thing to remember is that saying that an organization isn't aligned may not be enough to motivate change in some organizations- so make sure to be explicit about why that lack of alignment is a bad thing. What might happen if NP doesn't change? It's a way to build up the D(issatisfaction) with the status quo (per the DVP>C formula).
I do agree with your audience that performance metrics for success should have been included, and would have made this presentation even stronger. I would have also liked to see a fuller discussion of potential resistance, although I do agree that adopting management roles for the presentation and promising full management commitment to change was an elegant solution to resistance. I also agree that you guys did a good job throughout the presentation to present this change in a palatable way to your employees.
Overall, really well done on your analysis,...