! X Exemplar
by Caleb Owens
WORD COUNT CHARACTER COUNT
TIME SUBMITTED PAPER ID
05-APR-2013 11:19AM 317929858
GRADEMARK REPORT FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS This is an excellent essay – only slightly let down by too much development of some less relevant points and lack of development of some potentially interesting ones. It also does not stray too far from the culture and actual researchers involved with the focus paper. For example evolutionary psychology has issues itself (e.g. unfalsifiable, issues with confirmation bias, confounds with cultural factors), but by sticking close to the current researchers, deeper criticisms like these were not considered thoroughly.
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1. The abstract describes what the essay will do – that’s excellent 2. The abstract clearly describes the upcoming argument – even its conclusion – this is great. 3. A reasonable catch sentence – which evolves into a sensible consideration of the topic 4. Good – introductory paragraphs need to define terms
5. Always a good idea to put a reference at the end of a sentence like this – forgiven in this case since the paragraph does mention several studies. 6. What were the outcomes of these studies? – this is just mentioning other methods but the paragraph was supposed to be about evidence supporting a male overperception bias? 7 . This is efficient. Because this essay topic (unlike the 2013 one) was focusing on the method of the paper, some summary was needed – and summarizing a paper in a single concise paragraph is an achievement – and frees up the rest of the essay for answering the question. 8. Which results? It’s always better to be clear on this, rather than clumping all the findings together. 9. Only later do we get a specific result – that’s clumsy 10. This sounds interesting, but it’s not clear what would be involved and what it would demonstrate?...