And I am the root of all evil, but you can call me cookie.
Flame retardant PJs, because Stop, Drop, and Roll doesnt work in hell.
Eat Shit! A million trillion flies can't be wrong!
Girls are like internet domain names, the ones you like are already taken, well.. you can still get one from a strange country.
I don't have hard drives, I just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, drown a man and the fish will eat for a week!
Fucking a fat girl is like riding a scooter its fun til someone sees you.
I'd beat her Brady Bunch with my Sanford and Son, then Leave it to Beaver
I believe that talking on the phone while driving is like eating while having sex, sooner or later your going to stick something in the wrong place.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome, and natural things... that money can buy.
I believe in rainbows, and puppy dogs and fairy tales. And I believe in the family: Mom, and Dad, and Grandma, and Uncle Todd, who waves his penis.
I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal, high enough so you can look up her dress.
I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language: Apache.
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Assassins do it from behind.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't...