Chapter 1 Confused. [kən'fju:zd] adjective person perdu, désorienté; ideas, situation confus. French or English, it still brings about a sense of doubt and bewilderment to the person in question. And the person in question is me. I am Jodie Right and I am going to guide you through the complicated labyrinth that I call a life. I encounter embarrassing moments more than I brush my teeth, I can walk into a small shop and make an idiot out of myself even if I don’t utter a single word, for example colliding with a ‘pull’ door when it has a mammoth, laminated piece of paper stating the instruction, ‘pull’. I shall introduce you to my best friends, Danni and Ellie. Danni is the small one (rich coming from me, I know) who is going out with Steven, the one I fancy, and Ellie is the one that towers over both of us with unnaturally straight hair. I decided to visit the local town centre with them, and I was going to be on my best behaviour. . . Well I’d try anyway. Valentine’s Day. Great. Another year single, I know I shouldn’t be worrying about it at fourteen, but I’m tired of spending it alone, and whilst the world swaps roses for chocolates, I feel abandoned. The purpose of entering town is not a simple one, to pick a present for Steven from Danni. And that is a big assignment when the couple have been going out precisely sixteen days. Danni giggles at the slightest sound of Stevens deep tenor voice, like when he phoned; Steven: Hey Babe, How are you? Danni: (To Ellie and I) He called me Babe, he he he he Steven: Danni, are you there? Danni: (To Ellie and I) Oh my God, he just said my name, he he he he Steven: Danni . . . . (Danni hands phone over to me) I end up arranging a group date for four o’clock at the little park with the low swings, which gives us thirty minutes to shop. Danni is regaining colour back into her freshly pale face after the ‘conversation’ with Steven. We converse on the usual subject of boys and new gossip, like Bianca now fancies...