BLACKADDER QUOTES FILE
Note: Blackadder himself is referred to either as BA or EB
UNKNOWN EPISODES
"Baldrick, your brain is like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen"
"In what way? "
"It doesn't exist "
- Edmund & Baldrick
"They do say, Mrs M., that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover...when I stick this toasting fork in your head."
- Edmund
"Have you ever been to Wales, Baldrick?"
"No, but I've often thought I'd like to."
"Well don't, it's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough sinewy men roam the valleys terrifying people with their close harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the
placenames. Never ask for directions in Wales Baldrick, you'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight."
- Edmund & Baldrick
Baldrick, you wouldn't recognize a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing 'subtle plans are here again'.
- EB, "Blackadder's Christmas Carol"
I fear the words "I have a cunning plan" are rapidly marching towards this conversation with ill-deserved confidence.
- EB, "Blackadder's Christmas Carol"
"Tell me, Brother Baldrick, what exactly did God do to the Sodomites?"
"I dunno, but I can't imagine it was worse than what they used to do to each other."
- EB & Baldrick, "Blackadder's Christmas Carol"
I can't see the point in the theatre. All that sex and violence. I get enough of that at home. Apart from the sex, of course.
- Baldrick
"I want my mother."
"Ah, yes Baldrick. A maternally crazed gorilla would come in handy at this very moment."
- Baldrick & EB
"Ah, Blackadder. Started talking to yourself, I see."
"Yes...it's the only way I can be assured of intelligent conversation."
- Melchett and Edmund
"I don't take kindly to insults"
"Funny, with a face like yours, I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now."
- EB & ?
As a reward,...