Here's what I think about this memory, and it explains one
of the greatest driving forces in my life. Often I feel
like anything bad that I have about me, things I do are tied
into this one physical aspect, as if I can feel it
throbbing. I was born with a harelip. It's the kind in the
middle where you have scars down the middle of your lip and
just a narrow bit of skin to where if you relax your lower
lip to 'close your mouth' it it really closed. In other
words I have to bring my lower lip up a little in order to
close my mouth. It's automatic by now of course. In some
ways I can say that I'm lucky, could have been worse (of
course it always could, but we only have our own life and
body so that's kind of a dumb thing to say, I think). For
instance it didn't affect my nose. Often you see people
with a harelip that also smashes in their nostrils a bit.
It can affect the upper palate of your mouth and while I
know mine is misshapen, it has never bothered me. Some
others have major speech impedimints and I largely dodged
that bullet. I have noticed that sometimes my 'P's and 'B's
are a little off, probably to the point where I could never
be on the radio. That's a shame too because I'm very well
spoken. I don't mind speaking in public at all, teaching,
etc. and I've been told that I do a very good job, like
motivational speakerish, like a politician. That is, of
course a great sick irony because even if I wanted to (which
I don't) I could never do any of those things professionally.
As I write more and more in here I'll talk about this again.
As I said, it's one of the main things that makes up 'ME'.
Nobody says so, but I'm sure I'm the guy around the office
and neighborhood with the harelip. The guy that wouldn't be
bad looking if not for 'that'. It's a sucky way to live and
I still have anger issues about it. Luckily I have a huge
heaping of positive things in my life that I've rarely sunk
into the 'depths of...