Zombies are often thought of as destroyers of civilization, but are they really? Have you ever seen a zombie start a war? Burn down a building? Or even smash a car window? Of course not, zombies are peaceable folk. They are lovers of a nice slow walk, light conversation, and hanging out in shopping malls and near remote cabins. That is why when it comes down to whom I should have as a best friend; a zombie will win every time. Having a zombie as your best friend would simply be better because you do not have to worry about your hygiene, try to impress them or spend a lot of money on them.
Zombies are healthy. No sniffles, no head colds, no swine flu in the zombie population. In fact, having a zombie best friend is like having a cure for everything, except possibly the disease of having your head removed from your spinal column. Zombies never get sick so they do not require medical insurance (this could be a loop hole in the new Health Insurance Bill). Zombies do not sweat the little stuff, like how your hair looks today because their hair will always look worse. They take life in stride, if by “stride” one means “shamble,” “lurch,” or perhaps even crawl along despite loss of several limbs.
Zombies do not require much upkeep or money. They enjoy their food and the good thing is zombies are not picky eaters; they like Russian, Canadian, British, Italian, Greek, Turkish, African American, Chinese or Mexican. Zombies do not show preference either; they will eat mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, uncles and aunts, and even grandparents without blinking an eye. They like food from everywhere as long as it is human. But they do not really need it. They can hang around for decades without as much as a nibble. Zombies are green. They do not drive cars. They do not use air conditioning. In fact they have no carbon footprint of any kind, just a bit of methane outgassing. Plus, they are actually green.
Zombies do not love you for shallow...