We are Pussheads. We are old. We are wise. We are not what man kind could ever become. My planet, Sphinkter, what humans call Mars, is far older and much more developed than the planet, Artichoke, what humans call Earth. Humans, what we call Nimwhits, are far slower than Pussheads. We have developed thoughts, plans and processes that humans could never imagine or become intelligent enough to graduate to. It is my goal, our goal as Sphinkters to meet our needs and survive. Artichoke is a plentiful planet. One that is full of necessary Sphinkter nutrients that will allow Sphinkters to not only survive, but to conqueror Nimwhits, a puss-like race. Nimwhits are an insult to intelligent life. Unlike Sphinkters, they are all colors and shapes. Sphinkters are all alike. We are all sexy, wise, and we have the ability to make Artichoke a fruitful planet.
Sphinkters are the most creative inventors. After all, we invented space travel and our intelligence developed what Nimwhits consider magic. Magic tricks are ridiculous ways to fool the Nimwhits minds and eyes. Sphinkters are far too smart to be tricked by stupid methods.
Pussheads invade Artichoke! We cleverly breach the shell of Artichoke’s atmosphere, breaking the barriers of sound, light and of human gases. Nimwhits are truly idiots. They saw us invade their planet and thought we were just some sort of falling star, piece of blazing dust or meteorite in the sky. Little did Nimwhits know what has arrived! Pussheads are so clever, we invaded at speeds that Nimwhits cannot calculate and planned our defense to have Nimwhits own planet, Artichoke, cover our invasion. Nimwhits think they are so clever. Pussheads have been watching humans for many years, preparing for this attack. We knew our planet, the planet of Sphinkter, was soon to become a worn, ill-capable planet.
Like a hunter, we have watched our prey. We have studied Nimwhits as well as the planet Artichoke...