October 22, 2013
You know who you are,
It has been only a couple months since I last felt your presence; I’m getting anxious because I know that you can never really be gone. You are out there somewhere, and I am terrified for the inevitable time that we will meet again. When I learned of you they told me that you have been present in my life from the beginning, but nobody realized you were there until you showed yourself about seven years ago. People have always told me that I am uncannily able to feel if something is ‘off’ about a person, so it will always surprise me that I never detected your perfect corruption. Back then, seven years ago, you were a flicker in the shadow of my eye, the twitch in my hands as I wrote an essay. You showed up harmless, you showed up innocent, you were nothing to worry about, they said. And they were so wrong. How did I never notice your evil potential after that first day?
When I first met you I thought I was going to die. I shook, and even without you here your twisted attraction to me is so strong my heart rate quickens even as I write this sentence. When I first met you I felt the cold, deadly poison rise in my veins, and because of it I pushed you away as far as I could. That was not very far, in case you forgot. You were the inescapable moth to my flame; you could never leave me alone. I remember once I realized that I couldn’t escape you, we moved in under the same roof. Then came the times where we would fight every night and every day. We fought for control, and whenever we fought you would always win. At one point I just gave up. I can’t count the times your actions have sent me careening to the hospital. I told them that I didn’t know what was happening to me, but deep down I always knew it was you. I labeled you ‘The Beast’ because you are the pure evil, perfect half of me that I cannot deny. They called you ‘Conversion Disorder’, an extreme case like no doctors had seen before. Once they realized what you...