Economists and members of Congress are now on the prowl for new ways to stimulate spending in our dreary economy. The stimulus bill, AKA the Inter-generational Theft Act, rounds up to $780 billion. That's a lot of money, but spread among 300,000,000 Americans, the per-capita total is woefully small. As I calculate, that's only $3,333 per person. That won't get the economy going again. It barely pays for teens' text messaging.
I would ask President Obama, to think outside the box. Think about the hope and change that brought him into office, how millions of Americans and billions of global masses turned to him to heal the economy, lower the level of the oceans and cool the planet. He must do more now.
Forget about throwing trillions of dollars in the economy. Instead, go for the gold by hosting an annual WHITE HOUSE CARNIVAL. If these people follow my plans, I predict a revenue of 1 quadrillion dollars. That's $1,000,000,000,000,000.00, which shall hereby be known as $1Q. Forget the banks and automakers -- pay the money directly to individuals. That's hope and change on steroids.
Dig if you will the picture.
A sunny Sunday outside the White House. Bazillions of people waiting in line to get a shot at the dunk tank featuring former vice president Dick Cheney. One 5-foot-deep tank will provide a much-needed boost to the nation's flagging economy.
"All right, hit me with your best shot," Cheney shouted at the line of people, which consisted of Americans, non-Americans, out-of-work autoworkers, teachers, luminaries from the science community, gays, lesbians, military personnel, members of Congress, children, and the entire Arab-American population.
My good friend in London has informed me that the Queen hosted a massive tea party at Buckingham Palace just last week and the turn out was in the trillions. I have no doubt that we will have the same success as our old cousins.
In one move, President Obama can wipe the American slate even cleaner than his election...