It's been long since I wrote something last time, which was so long ago that I can't remember when it was.
It's been long since I had the idea of writing something for memory, which was so long ago that I almost forgot it.
Today, however, the impulse came to me again, so strong that I cannot get rid of it. Thus, I am sitting in front of my Mac, looking at the screen with nothing special in my mind. But I just cannot control my fingers from clicking and keystroking the keyboard. Naturally lines of words came to the white word document.
It seems there is a reservoir full of ideas, thoughts, conceptualities, perceptions, feelings and moods. How I wish to pull them out... Yet, I can't.
It's been over three months since I came to the States, long enough for me to get to know this small town better, long enough for me to get myself accustomed to the environment, people, traffic, culture and climate, yet also long enough for me to begin to miss everything back in China.
Sometimes I can't help asking myself, what did you get these months? I am reluctant to answer the question simply because I dare not look back upon the road behind me, either do I dare reflect on myself of what I have achieved. However, when I have to think about this, I found, to my surprise, that I gained hardly anything except I can pull off UGG boots while others may not, I got a coach watch and purse which had been in my dream, I wear Calvin Klein blouse, Levis jacket, Estee Lauder make-up and Louis Vuitton scarf.
But what does this matter? What does it mean to me? What does it bring to me? It matters nothing, means nothing, and brings me nothing. The moment I obtained all these dreaming bubbles easily that I had aspired after I found they are nothing but so-called luxuries. It can't exchange respect or admiration from people, nor make me better than before. I know I need more, beyond these foppish materials. I know what I need is deeper understanding of my academic domain, better...