Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay:
Hi Carroll, and welcome to SMARTHINKING! My name is Krystal N., and I’ll be your tutor today! Let me first say that I think you make a great point when you discuss how it is nice knowing people in different age groups: “At work I interact with all kinds of different age groups between the customers to my fellow workers and it’s nice because when you have a problem you can get different opinions from them.” By making this point, you help your reader understand that everyone, regardless of age, has something to contribute to one’s life. Good job! Let’s move on and discuss some other aspects of your paper!
*Carroll 4652329 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:
First off, Carroll, I’d like to discuss your thesis statement. Right now, you indeed have one, and it is: “The results in this project showed me a lot of similarities such as their birth months, residence, and an education to their ethnicity.” By using these three points in your thesis statement, you set the expectation for your reader, so he/she will be surprised, if not lost, if you don’t discuss those points. How can you make sure you discuss these points as your three body paragraphs? Or, if you don’t want to discuss them, how can you change your thesis so it reflects what you actually do want to talk about?
Keep in mind that your thesis statement is the spine of your paper. It serves three main purposes:
* To inform your reader about your topic
* To inform your reader about your main discussion points
* To inform your reader about your stance on your topic
How can you make sure that...