NATIONAL EXCUSE for HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.
NATIONAL EXCUSE for being LATE: Traffic Jam.
NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rush into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.
NATIONAL FRUIT for inducing MENSTRUATION: Pineapple and Cu-cum-ber (Cucumber)
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Air Bandung. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything...
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(MEN): Food poisoning.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(WOMEN): Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by WOMEN when REFUSING SEX: Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, period, haven't removed make-up, haven't had a shower, no water supply, going to watch "Desperate Housewives", depressed, no mood, etc...
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by MEN when REFUSING SEX: None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.
NATIONAL CURE for HEADACHES: Panadol. The "cure for all." If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE for DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE for DIZZINESS (for YUPPIES): Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE for DIZZINESS (Dedicated for YUPPIES): The sight of a police roadblock.
NATIONAL WORKING HOURS: 10.30am - 12.30am, 3pm-5pm (go see government office to see for yourself)
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere, as long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL most MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME: Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! On second thought, why bother pronouncing silly French names like Peugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot." When I was in school, Milo was always 'MeeLo.' Now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo." So don't be embarrassed saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "orangootan."
NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and...