You should always keep in mind your intended audience. You should also keep in mind that we are effectively talking to each other and not writing. Do not single out a person's sex, race, ethnicity, or other personal traits or characteristics (such as sexual orientation, age, or a disability) when it has no direct bearing on the topic at hand. In other words, do not create or promote stereotype based on unavoidable human characteristics. (http://ftp.hawaii.edu)
Anthony it is important to say things like businessperson instead of lady because many people would be offended it is also proper etiquette.
You should also use the word many or much instead of a lot of because of the tone that you are trying to get across should be more professional.
Also to you, do not have to put in filler words such as really you could take it out and just leave corny.
You should also use your grammar and spell checker on anything that you write. I know that yes it takes a little longer but it is well worth it to use it because it explains to you why you should write it one way or why you should change things to different things for instance you could have wrote your assignment this way:
Hi guys,
At a company conference, I saw this businessperson give a presentation on etiquette. I was surprised because she had many good things to say…I figured business etiquette would be corny but unbelievably there were actually some good pointers. Therefore, I used some of her tips at the company picnic later that month that all the managers attended. I am not a manager, but want to be one, so I figured I had better polish up on my etiquette while talking to some of the people at the top. I was up for promotion and needed to do a little networking. Well, it worked! I used some of the tips and before I knew it, my boss was telling me how impressed the managers at the picnic were with me and that it was about time I got a raise. I recommend that any man who wants to advance in the...