12/02/10
My thoughts how I feel if I step in some where there is drinking. Am I setting my self up? Do I dare to try and be numb? The only way I ever knew how to be numb was to use. Am I getting my subconscious mixed with my consciousness. I know I can only fake it that it doesnt bother me but the more I sit there and pretend I am headed for a slip. I can not just sit there and keep daydreaming about the good time cuz there was a lot of bad times that followed
12/03/10
as with the last statement, how well is my mind really prepared? I have the wantingness and most tools but I have reliezed I am not cured I never will be every day is like a day of school.. I learn some thing new every day and because of my past I have learned not to repeat.
12/07/10
Having respect for others and your self is a big thing. I never really did I never cared who I hurt as long as I got what I want. I didnt care who hurt me as long as I was getting my fix. Now its completely the other way I make sure I show respect for anyone who crosses my past even if its some one I do not care for I still show respect. My children see how important it is by watching me and that is one thing I want my kids to do like mommy does.
12/09/10
I took me a long time to understand the higher power stuff. And cuz I went to treatment with my white flag in hand I have found and understand what it means now. I dont understand all but that gives me more to look forward to for my sober life.
12/10/10
We talked about group therapy how it works in so many different ways for every person. Its not a punishment or for others to judge you. It really makes a differense hearing other people speak of there experiances and to finally relieze the world isnt out to get you.
12/13/10
We spoke today about the daily reading and how praying to our higher power is a big , HUGE part of our/my sobriety. It really is a big difference when you finally find the right path to go down to achieve a better life. It really...