Welcome to you CSN Von Mergenty reporting and we have the president of the Collingwood football team Ted ___ and here is latest press conference.
TED
This club is going to shit! And every fucking person is blaming me because I’m the president. It’s not my fault if the game is progressing to where you need to buy players these days to win. I’m sick of Laurie talking about keeping Danny and the older players who are on their last legs. In fact I am fucking fed up of Laurie, this is my club! I’m the president and I paid $10000 out of my own pocket to get an amazing prospect in Geoff Hayward and what has Laurie done with him? he wont even play the bugger, he even put him down a division. we need give him a shot to play he wont develop into the amazing player he will become with Laurie at the helm. We need rostoff! he will turn this shit heap to the bloody best football team in the league and land us another flag. Don’t get me wrong Laurie has been an amazing coach and player over these past years but he need to go for the sake of the club and my presidency. if we let him continue to coach he will keep losing and Ill on the chopping block because I did nothing and ill back to my boring job owning a fucking meat pie factory when I’m living my childhood dream. Ever since I was 6 years old I have loved this club but I have never been the best footballer so I did the next best thing and become the club president and I’m not letting go of it.
1 year later
Von Mergenty here on this sad day when the former president of the Collingwood magpies has commit suicide after the worst season the club has ever had. The team went 0-24, Rostoff went to the north Melbourne , star recruit Geoff Hayward quit the AFL to go back to university and finally Teds ex wife cheated on him with Laurie ____ . With all these unfortunate events Ted __ had a nervous break down and was fired as the president of Collingwood , got divorced so he had to sell his pie factory. With nothing...