I don't get to go on the internet too very ofter but am glad I found this sight. I have been trying to remember the good things without waking up the pain. It has been very difficult but I think it has worked a few times. I feel very guilty about not having been there his very last breath and see him there waiting to die. My Dad had an abdominal aortic aneurism. Last August he had a GI bleed. The doctors told him it was a small one but the next one was going to kill him and he didn't have long to live. My Dad wanted to go home and get his affairs ready and I hired someone to come in and help him as he had numerous medications to take and he was getting weaker because of the blood he lost. My Dad and I lived in separate cities and I have 3 smal kids at home. This one particular night I called him and asked him what he was doing and he said, "I just had Mr.? over from the funeral home and I picked out my coffin and arranged the music and the legionaire tribute and so on." I was mortified. My Dad was a strong man, he just wanted to die at home and when that happened he didn't want anything to fall in my hands to arrange. For the next few months I watched him die as he got more and more weak. He hated taking the pills so we decided if he just wanted to take his pain pills just to keep him comfortable that was all he had to take. The first of November I had to go to Toronto on business, I was in a meeting when my phone rang it was my Dad. He told me that he called the ambulance because he was vomiting blood andhe figured his time was up so he said he called to tell me he loved me and that I was his favorite and that he was very proud of me. I told him I was on the next flight out and he said he would try and hold on to see me one more time. I made it home to find him back home and drinking his cup of tea in his favorite chair. You see they did not have a bed for him and sent him home. Dad was on a waiting list to get into Paliative Care at the hospital. Dad was a...