Dear Ms/Mr. Spam e-mailer,
I very much love my e-mail account. I conduct many important communication threads for school, work, and social purposes. I check my e-mail often and respond accordingly to the urgency. However, I'm not a fan of the junk that I get in my e-mail box. It's becoming worse than my physical mail box, and the telemarketing calls that seem to have replaced real people to machines (which makes it easier to hang up).
I'm definitely will not be looking for employment anytime soon. I have two jobs and I'm a full-time student. I'm set; and I don't have any debt (or credit cards), but I'll rely on my bank when it is time to move out of this place and into another. Real contracts, real agreements, and you not taking all my money.
No, I have no desire to lose weight in however many days. My friends and family would put my 98 lb fat ass in a mental institution.
I do not have any kind of erectile dysfunction. My equipment works rather well in my opinion, although it has been a while. I don't need any kind of enhancement of any nature, I'm satisfied with my mediocre appearance and 22 year libido. I haven't got any complaints that suggest I needed such trickery and devious guises to lie to a potential partners.
And I don't really need to find a husband, hot sexy singles in my area, or the name of my soulmate. I wasn't really looking, but thank you for your concern, and the reminder that true love will soon be digital love. I prefer the old-fashion way myself: flash the guy your boobies before the other bimbo does....or just be my wonderful self...
please take me off your mailing list you worthless butthead.